Recently in Humor Category

Classes for Women

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Here's one for the guys, in response to the "Classes for Men" posted by Rhye and the Queen of All Evil:

Continuing Seminars For Females
(Prepared and presented by males)

  1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

  2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

  3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

  4. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.

  5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

  6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

  7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First.

  8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.

  9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.

  10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.

  11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

  12. Introduction to Parking.

  13. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

  14. Water retention: Fact or Fat.

  15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.

  16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.

  17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

  18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

  19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His.

  20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.

  21. Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.

  22. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.

  23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.

  24. Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both.

  25. Oil and Fuel: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time)

  26. Learning to Go in Public Restrooms.

  27. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" - Why Men Lie.

  28. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

Update: Dean (husband to The Queen of All Evil) has posted his own list of Classes for Women. My favorite:

Class 4: Summarizing Conversations. How to relate an entire conversation you just had with your sister, mother, or best friend in 25 words or less. 10 week intensive training course, meeting 3 nights a week. Advanced students only.

Related course topic: How to answer yes/no questions in 25 words or less, and actually answer the question.

New MT3 vaporware plugin

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I had some weird dreams last night; one of them was an idea for a new MT3 plugin. About all this new plugin had going for it was its name - "MT-Vampire".

When I told Rhye about it this morning, she asked me what it was supposed to do. I said, "Why does it have to do anything? People will want to install it just so they can say they're running MT-Vampire!"

I figured the plugin would at least change all of the MT admin pages to display in some sort of Goth theme with blood dripping from everything on the page. And the plugin would definitely suck all the data out of something.

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to have an icon for MT-Vampire on your weblog: MT-Vampire plugin Just further proof to Rhye that I really am a coconut-head.

Lunar Eclipse Photo

South Knox Bubba has an exclusive lunar eclipse photo that you just have to see to believe.

Tasteless CA Recall Humor

David Bernstein at the Volokh Conspiracy says:

I'd Pay to See It: Jess Ventura versus Arnold S., in a steel cage match. Guest Ref: Arianna Huffington.

Add a toilet bowl in the corner to dunk the ref's head in, and I'd pay to see it too!

The Tweezer's Edge has moved!!

The Tweezer's Edge has outgrown its free space on Earthlink and has been migrated to a new domain hosted by LiveRack. Please update your bookmarks, links, RSS feeds, etc., to reflect the new location:

http://tweezersedge.com/

Dean's World has come up with a great rule for handling spammers and trolls who leave messages in his blog comments:

From this point forward, if you leave either a trolling message or a spam in the comments to Dean's World, my wife Rosemary will edit your message. Purely for the purposes of correcting your grammar and making sure you said what you really MEANT to say, as opposed to whatever deranged psychobabble came out of you.

What spurred this policy? "Laura in DC" has been spamming blogs to drum up support for presidential candidate Howard Dean, and made the mistake of spamming Dean's World. Jeff Jarvis (BuzzMachine) has a sample in his comments (and Daniel Drezner has one too):

Cool site! Check out my new blog, Mousepads, Shoe Leather, and Hope - The Great Grassroots Campaign. Also, check out my Dean stores, The Great Grassroots Campaign and You Have The Power. The proceeds from the shop will be given to the new Generation Dean chapter on campus. If you feel like linking to any of the sites I gave you, I'd be happy to add a link to your site on my blog. Keep up the good work with your site.

Posted by Laura in DC at September 17, 2003 04:41 PM

So what did Laura really mean to say? Here's the re-written comment:

I just want you to know that I used to love Howard Dean. This is my website. But I just found out that Howard Dean fantasizes about being a 13 year old girl in bondage and wishes he could be Ronald Reagan's sex toy. He hates the Jews and the darkies, but especially the jews because he thinks they have all the money and won't give him any.

I really hate him now. If you hate him too, please come to the website and tell me just how much!!

He is a real rat bastard.

Email me your thoughts on this stinkin' racist anti-semite. I'd love to hear from you !

democrattotheend@yahoo.com

Posted by Laura in DC at September 17, 2003 05:26 PM

If the opportunity ever comes up, I'm going to have a lot of fun with this!

Update 20-Sep-2003: Laura hit Calpundit's comments yesterday.

"A Scholarly Critique of the Style, Symbolism and Sociopolitical Relevance of Gilligan's Island." You really have to read the whole thing to appreciate it. Here's a sample:

Gilligan, the Skipper's "little buddy", embodies every extraneous governmental agency, policy and program ever foisted on innocent people anywhere. It is "Gilligan's island." Gilligan is well-intentioned. He sincerely wants to help. Gilligan saves no exertion, refuses no absurdity, respects no boundary in his unceasing efforts to solve, or at least soften, any and all of the everyday problems of the castaways. More often than not Gilligan is the problem. At best he makes a bad situation worse. At worst, he makes a great situation completely unbearable.

In every episode, Gilligan somehow manages to ruin another chance for the castaways to be rescued. Still, in the next episode, everyone will rely on Gilligan for some critical act. Schwartz forces us to ask, "Why do they continue to trust Gilligan when they know he will fail?"

(Hat tip: Daily Pundit; Zogby Blog)

Heh!

Donald Sensing says "Heh!" at this, but I couldn't stop at just one. (Hat tip: One Hand Clapping)

Glenn Reynolds for President in 2008!!

I'm all for it and I'd vote for him. There's even a blogger cabinet being assembled over at Smallest Minority. Some of my favorite nominations:

VP: Rachel Lucas - With her guns, you can bet she won't be hiding out at some "undisclosed location".

Attorney General: Eugene Volokh - I can't quite put my finger on why, but he just seems like an excellent choice.

Sec. of Defense WAR!: Donald Sensing - Retired Army artillery officer and ordained minister. I agree that this combination is a plus.

Sec. of State: Steven Den Beste - This choice is borderline genius. Also nominated for Head of the CIA/NSA, he would serve well in either position.

Sec. of Treasury: Mindles H. Dreck - Not bad, but I wonder if Mindles wouldn't serve better as Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.

There's also a table listing the current nominations here. (Hat tip: One Hand Clapping)

The secret of Google's success

I would have never guessed! (Link via Josh Chafetz.)